Mommies & Daddies

Being a student is a very demanding commitment.
If you miss one assignment or lecture is very similar to missing the major pieces of a puzzle.
Being a student and a expectant mother #StudentMommy has been the most challenging event in my life.

Hi. I'm 20-something . . .
Your twenties are a time when you make all of the mistakes which you learn from and make you stronger when you're in your thirties and in your thirties you learn what you want from your life so that by the time you are in your forties you should be an established woman who makes smarter decisions. .....At least that's what I've concluded from the 40-something year old successful women in my life.

In my twenties I had decided that I did not want to binge drink every weekend, I just wanted to focus on my future. When I first met my husband I was a very happy single lady. I did not think of marriage but my relationship with my husband had begun to grow into something more serious. My husband has helped show me what my biggest and most silliest flaws were. He had helped me see who I really was and it was tough. It was tough because the world was not ready for me. Growing up it was very difficult for me to open up to friends and family but he has helped me overcome that. It was a huge struggle for me but I have persevered. Honestly, I am proud of myself and grateful to my husband for helping me open my eyes on the only thing I was blind to see, myself.
He has helped me, help myself. 
I did get married very young but I don't regret it at all. 

I guess sometimes in life as many professional and super successful women would agree that although timing is everything somethings just happen unexpectedly

When I got pregnant I felt the same way --- I felt that it was too soon for me to become a mother. Almost all of the most successful women I had looked up would say in their interviews that they did not want to have children simply because they did not have the time too. They had chosen their careers over their family. Luckily the world is changing now for women.

Husbands & Wives
Women can be women.
We can be successful at work, great wives and loving mothers.
It's not the men oppress women in society, it is because us women, we let society oppress us.
Each and every single individual regardless of gender has the power to influence and advance society. What was thought as "normal" in our society 10 or 40 years ago is not okay anymore.
Our world is becoming more and more open to the realities of the human condition.

Men like women also have roles.
I'm not saying that every man and woman should go out there, get married right away and have a family. But I am saying that not all men are the ones hanging at the bar looking for a one night stand. Some of them are just taking a half hour or hour break to go get a drink while they're "taking the trash out" just to get some fresh air because like women, even men are stressed out in family responsibilities and life.

I have met men who are stay at home dads and are very happy.
I also know some who are absolutely miserable. 
I have met men who were former stay-at-home-dads who as soon as they returned to the workforce they begin having an affair & other misfortunes.

  • Be a Great Dad/Mom
    • From my family psychology class I've learned that there is some sort of emotion that only a mother can feel that a father can not. I honestly believe that on the contrary men also have an emotion that only they can feel for their child(ren) that us women can not feel but most likely it was diminished thanks to "learned" behavior in society. When my friend's friend's friend told me the story of how her marriage collapsed when her husband went back to work as their son got old enough and he could trade up being a stay at home dad to being a working dad, I felt terribly. I am not sure if somehow her husband's self esteem went down because it was a new life changing event that he thought he could handle but couldn't. He had made the decision to develop a relationship with a younger woman and colleague. Regardless I am not sure why he had an affair on his wife but according to her he is still a great father to their child and they are friends. 
    • Before you establish duties amongst each other please be realistic and think of the challenges and remember that it's okay to change your mind in the process. You should never compromise your happiness just because you think you have to, there are many options out there. No marriage is perfect, everyone has their own problems, individually and together within the relationship as a whole.
  • Don't forget to have a life
    • Daddy needs some hobbies - THANK GOODNESS when you do your tax return - at least in New York State you get a refund at the end of the year for child care services - so daddy can take up a hobby once or twice a week for an hour or three (same goes for stay-at-home-moms) My classmate is a CollegeDaddy, when he isn't pursuing an EMT Degree he is a stay at home dad who also does Graphic Design freelancing from home. His wife is a full-time insurance company employee. They hire a trusted baby-sitter when they're busy building a solid future. They're also 20-somethings. 
  • Be Yourself
    • Remember my previous post about the woman who said marriage is like being boyfriend & girlfriend except with bills and responsibilities? Well I've been told that parenthood is the same way too. Don't lose yourself. Be yourself! Of course like every life changing event in  we naturally change certain attitudes and approaches to certain situations. But that doesn't mean that just because now you're a parent you can't go on dinner dates or have a Sexy Sunday where you and your spouse strictly have sex all day or half of the day. If I haven't mentioned it enough - Sex is very important in marriage
    • Be the parent you wish you had but be realistic about it. Case in point staying up till midnight and eating ice cream while being towered by every single toy you've said you wanted from the toy aisle. Yeah. Please don't damage your child like that because when they grow up they'll realize that if it's not money it's the intangible - you can't have everything you want & sometimes you get stuck with what you don't want. 
  • Learn Along the Way
    • Remember the time when you and your husband first moved in together and you were assembling furniture or trying to figure out where to put the television, couch, bookshelves, etc...? Remember the moment of silence because you were both thinking very deeply.... Remember when you placed the television by the window but then decided to put the couch there instead? And then you moved it again one week later until you both got frustrated and began arguing that you have too much stuff or that your apartment is too small or that you should replace the furniture or whatever happened..... Honestly, my pregnancy has been like that but my husband & I have managed to accept that we are Learning Along the Way. 
    • Yes. Despite all of those books I've bought and borrowed, despite all of the advice I've received whether I had asked for it or was offered it or was demanded to accept by everyone from my grocery store cashier to my mentors to my third to the fifth power distant cousin (which don't get me wrong I love hearing what others have to experienced & learned) but if you haven't learned this yet, maybe it's time you realize it now: we learn everyday & we "relearn" - we "relearn" & that my dear readers is when you think you know something so well but then as time goes on or as you experience something deeper you realize that there is more to it. That's why I've always believed that we are learners for life. Because No One knows everything & if they think they do... that's their problem.

What have you learned from your pregnancy?

x o x o
Amela Sandra

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