This semester I had absolutely no choice
but to declare medical leave. My OB/GYN had no idea what was going on with me.
I was exhausted, I can not begin to
describe the exhaustion I felt. In addition I experiences extreme dizzy-ness,
nausea (luckily no vomiting), ongoing headaches that would last anywhere from
two hours to three days. On top of that I couldn’t breath properly and my heart
rate was very fast, more so than usual. My primary care doctor had me go see a
cardiologist for it and neurologist for my headaches.
All in all I decided not to go despite
being assigned to go. Now I know this is terrible! But my mom was fine with me
not going to those doctors, rest assured. I felt comfortable with my decision
and I had decided to just let the pain and full body changes mentally, physically
and emotionally just take its course. It was a very painful experience. I was
literally on bed rest but luckily my dog, Leo also known as Fluffy, or on
instagram/twitter known as Fluffy the Pom.
Fluffy made sure I was active, even when I
felt like I was about to pass out during our entire walk, I just focused on
Fluffy. I can not describe how sick I felt. Somewhere between all of my body
changes, a terrible incident that had happened to me, pressures of school, physical
intangible body adjustments, and each day a new hormone would surprise me. I
had a nervous breakdown and cried and cried and cried and cried.
My mom and husband….. even my incredible
pup, Fluffy, who are my best friends and my everything did not like my
reaction. They had tried to cheer me up. My mother was pissed and told me that
if I don’t stop I’d fall into Depression. My dog kept licking my face and
bringing me his toys, even his most ‘sacred’ toys which he barely lets anyone
touch and I mean he’d play fetch and when he goes to fetch the toy he’d bring
it to you after a five minute stare contest of “how much can I trust you with
this toy?” It’s actually adorable and it really cheers me up to know that my
dog would share me such a prized favorite activity, it just goes to show how
far animals would go to make their best friends/family happy. Absolutely
incredible.
My husband was very supportive, he isn't a very sensitive/emotional man - he's pretty macho considering his upbringing and background. But he was emotionally supportive. He had helped me every step of the way. He would come home directly from work to drive me to doctors appointments. He would run errands for me and when I was having an emotional break-down, as quickly as possible he would hide in the restroom at work and reassure me that everything was going to be alright. For this I think he is going to be a great father, God willing.
As for my mom, she is always the mother who gave me life. She is proof that I could survive in the military (she's always been strict and tough-love). As a very strong woman who has endured things that if she wrote an autobiography she would become an international sensation because every woman who has been through just one life event of his endless experiences would be amazed at how strong she is. Thank God for her strength! Although she was tough, she wasn't super tough. She would speak with me calmly and let explain everything to me. She gave me hope, she made me tea and lunch, dinner and told me to go to sleep. When the time came she had asked me if I was ready to go back to school and start working again.
Overall emotionally I had been feeling better but physically I had went to the emergency room a few times due to excruciating pain. My body was so weak within five minutes of being on campus I had passed out in the hallway of my school while waiting for an appointment with my academic advisor. I had just had my lunch and three bottles of water but I had still managed to pass out. It was humiliating.
Then something great happened, as I continued reading the pregnancy books I had bought at Strand bookstore (a used/discount book store with every genre possible), I had discovered that usually many women get better in their second trimester. At first it was difficult to transition in the second trimester, very slowly I began to feel better. My family was still helping me with the driving, cooking, and other help. My dog and I had began walking further and further until my energy was restored even if it was little by little. Now that I'm regaining my energy I've begun working out again. Yesterday was the first day of classes for the Winter-Term of the Fall semester. I am super excited to be back and I was so proud of myself because I was very focused, calm and engaged. I've missed college so much! I am so glad to be back!
Thank you all for being loyal readers. No matter what part of the world you are in. You ladies are the reason that I continue sharing the things that no one else dares to write about - thank you for your support and love! -- and if any of you are suffering with pregnancy, I want you to know that it really will get better! With the help of supportive family and friends you can accomplish so much! Feel better and remember - All you need is love!
Big Hugs & Kisses to You All
x o x o
Amela Sandra
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